I didn't know I could love another child so deeply that was not biologically related to me and that I wouldn't have the chance to raise to adulthood. I didn't know I could sweat so much. I didn't know I could communicate my love for another person without truly comprehending their language. I didn't know I could hurt so much for people and feel so helpless. I didn't know how tired I could get of having other adults in my house every single day. I didn't know I would love watching my children love on their "brothers and sisters" every day and grow so comfortable with so many children that were different from themselves in many ways. I didn't know I could stay in my house or "neighborhood" without leaving for almost a month with no breaks. I didn't know I would think it was cool to have my kids going on tarantula hunts. I didn't know how a tradition like taking ten children on a Saturday walk every week could be so loved and so hated at the same time. (I loved the excitement and beauty and smiles….hated the heat and the sweat and the tantrums on the road with the whole village watching). I didn't know how stressful it would be to never have privacy…living on campus and having no window panes, just screens. t didn't know how beautiful worshipping God in two languages every night with children piled on me could be. I didn't know I could love watching my husband try to make the aunts who lived with us laugh when they were having a bad day (He almost always succeeded). I didn't know my children would grow so attached to a country and a people that they wouldn't want to leave.
We are still transitioning but there are fewer tears. We can talk about memories and look at pictures and laugh. We can remember and we pray for our friends and for adoptions and the country.
So many people are wondering about our future. So are we! We are still trusting that God has a plan and that He is using this time of waiting to grow us and prepare us for what He has for us next. Yes, we have talked with churches. Yes, we have been interested in ministries. At this point, God has not said "Yes" to anything that we have considered. We get discouraged at times and wonder about His plan, but He is faithful. He is good. A song that has become very precious to our entire family is one that is sung by Lauren Daigle. It is entitled "Trust In You". I will share the chorus, but then encourage you to listen to the entire song.
When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
We continue to trust, and would love your prayers for peace and for wisdom, both for us and for our children.